Sleep is overrated anyway?! ๐Ÿ˜ด

It’s the eve of the first day back at school and none of my kids feel like sleeping at all! ๐Ÿ‘

The big boys are squabbling and fighting in their room and after telling them them to calm down around 17 gazillion times at 12.30am they finally give in and shut up! The rope and gaffer tape worked a treat! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Before they did actually calm down they managed to wake The twins up. Yippee! Thankfully they dozed on the sofa for a bit, whilst I pottered around getting all the school uniform prepared and bags etc

About 1am who’s that I hear bounding along the passageway …. u got it The Tornado ๐ŸŒชheard there was a baby party going on in the lounge and didn’t wanna miss out!

He thudded down the stairs trampled on his sleeping brother, waking him up and proceeded to steal his sisters bottle from her mouth….therefore waking her up. All three up and all hell let loose!! FFS of all nights I could have done with some sleep for a clear head in the morning?! ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

I hadn’t eaten, or showered. I was still wearing my day clothes and was sooooo fecking tired even before all the baby shenanigans tonight I was absolutley knackered!

After much sssshhhhh-ing and NO be quiet they kept teasing me snuggling up for a brief quiet moment and then springing to life again with yet another second wind.

Tornado was clattering his pissing Ninky Nonk toy around the fooor and crashing it as loud as possible. Then his whale toy was rammed repeatedly into the side of my head (he has a thing for doing this) Then he grabbed a chunk of my hair from my head and yanked out a clump Just for fun. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

I shoved the night garden on repeat on the tele box ๐Ÿ“บ with barely any volume. Not ideal I know but at 2am I was pretty desperate for them to settle down so tried milk, blanket, cuddles ..all to no avail.

At this point Bam Bam had star-fished on one of the sofas and had gone back to kip ๐Ÿ˜ด 1 down 2 to go!!

Meanwhile Pebbles had turned into bloody ‘spider girl’ she was teetering on the edge of the radiator and flinging herself off the sofa bouncing. Then balancing upside down on her head.

I was getting to the end of my tether. It was 3am now so I’m pleading with Tommy to be quiet and go to sleep. Literally begging him in desperation with tears streaming ๐Ÿ˜ญ down my face. Saying that mummy REALLY needs to go to sleep now. So I turned tv off cause that plan didn’t work. After being handed the remote a several hundred times and Tornado flicking the light switch on and off like a strobe effect …… the neighbours probably think we were actually having a fucking disco.

Around 4am ish both Pebbles and Tornado finally gave in! 3 hours before we needed to get up for school.

Ah, So much fun we had๐ŸŒช๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ฉ lol

Thanks for reading (congrats if you got this far!) I’m all out of rants …..for now! ๐Ÿ˜˜

Love L x

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Life ……oh My life!

Oh hello! ๐Ÿค— Remember me? The little bit insane mother with lots of kids! Lol ๐Ÿคฃ

Long time no rant! So here goes……

Today has been very trying! It’s only 12pm lunchtime and I’ve done 9 nappy changes (including 4 poonamis), 4 outfit changes. 1 pukey throwing up incident.

Annie has been chasing me round crawling at the speed of light โšก๏ธShe’s trying to eat out of the dustpan as quick as I can sweep up! Albert has delved into the sudocreme no less than 6 times today whilst I’m changing the others and has eaten a good handful of it too! He bites the lid off and tucks in like its some kind of yummy treat! ๐Ÿคข

Those of you that follow my social media pages will know this has become quite the obsession with Master Albert! Little git๐Ÿ˜œ.

Albert is a climber…. he climbs the sofa, footstool and is eyeing up the window sill next. This is where big Bro The Tornado spends a lot of his time! Albert can walk with toys in front and swing between the furniture like a boss. He is practicing letting go and standing independently so I think we are gonna be mobile on 2 feet very, very soon ๐Ÿ˜ณ.

Miss Annie isn’t too far behind, she’s a little more wobbly but blimey the girl can get around fast. She can stand at the sofa and she’s not far off cruising. Annie likes to be upside down a lot and she watches tv like it, through her legs. She knows exactly what she wants and she will take it (milk, juice, biscuits, toys) she steels from her brothers and laughs when they cry…..little minx. She’s not daft! ๐Ÿ’–

Then there’s The Tornado ๐ŸŒช Well he’s still hectic as you like ๐Ÿคฃ and he is actually saying a few understandable words like ‘yeah’ , ‘ball’ and ‘up’ . It’s a little random at the moment but it’s progress none the less. He is nearly 3 and non verbal aside from these snippets. It’s gives us a glimmer of hope that his words will come eventually. It’s all very exciting stuff ๐ŸŽ‰chuffed Mumma right here ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š. I’m sure, He too will be backchatting us in around 10 years time. Lol.

Life with 3 under 3 is far from a boring life that’s for sure and add to that the 2 big boys and their teenage hormones, anxiety and obsessions. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ More fun than you can shake a stick at! ๐Ÿคฃ

I still love being Mum though, hard as it might be. I’m older, wiser? ๐Ÿค” greyer and wrinklier ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿป but can still get down with the kids when needed (much to the embarrassment of my eldest)……Yes, I can do The Floss ๐Ÿ˜Ž ha ha!

It’s Half term too so thankfully no bastard school run to do! However it’s not that easy for me to take them all out by my myself. Entertaining 5 kids of varying ages is a challenge but we muddle through as best we can.

The big boys are banned from the X-box right now for being lairy/cheeky so they are driving me up the bloody wall! With cries of “I’m bored” or in Kevin the Teenager style “It’s so unfair when can I go back online” “Never” I reply *stomps off in strop…….Kids ey….Gotta love em ๐Ÿ˜

Well that’s our update on life for now! Nothing too enthralling but there’ll be plenty more tales to tell. Watch this space. I’m Just Trying to find my writing mojo again. It has been pretty full on lately as you can imagine. I’ve had no time to scratch my ass let alone blog! Fingers crossed I’ll find a bit of time here and there to keep you all amused.

Ta-Ta for now

Love L ๐Ÿ˜˜ x

We survived the school holidays …. just!

Yes I know we’re already a week back to school but it’s been hectic!!! Phew! 2 weeks off school with 5 kids has brought me to the edge of insanity BUT we got through it! Lol We’ve had tears and meltdowns (me and them), squabbling, screaming, fisticuffs and to top it off a fractured toddler elbow!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

Whilst other parents post pictures of their perfectly well behaved children doing something wholesome and outdoorsy every day, I’m a prisoner in my own home. Stuck in the house arguing with the big boys that it’s time to vacate their pit and switch the X Box off!!

The Little ones taking it in turns to cry, shit, sleep, repeat! ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Seriously I’m at the end of my tether….. I’m not gonna lie these past few weeks have been bloody hard work!!!

My eldest has become practically aggro-phobic and doesn’t want to leave his safe zone at home. His anxiety has reached new heightened levels so it takes hours of persuasion but we eventually try leaving the house for a walk. Nice bit of fresh air in our lungs ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿถ๐ŸŒฒ๐Ÿƒ However as the end of the hols drew closer we did manage to get The big boys out swimming with dad, to a retro gaming cafe (more computers) lol. We hid a few decorated rocks on our walk to then post on Facebook and re-hid them for others to find …..apparently it’s a new craze. Who knew?! For more info See.Portsmouth Rocks UKFinally I braved it and took all 5 to the inflatables session….. which is basically loads of bouncy castles indoors and 30 odd kids running riot! Fun times ๐Ÿ‘

So they did get out and do and few activities eventually.

In other news the twins are teething big time and I am seriously sleep deprived. Getting roughly 3-4 hours sleep a night is not really sufficient to survive ๐Ÿ˜ด Tommy has literally been beating me up out of frustration daily and sometimes quite violently โ˜น๏ธ and in between cuddles But I grin and bear it, heartbreaking as it is. Poor me!

On Thursday the Tornado fell off the sofa (climbing again) so a 10pm little trip to the local treatment centre was in order. We thought he’d popped his elbow out if it’s joint again ….so they clicked it back into place. However this time something wasn’t right, he still couldn’t use it and was dragging his limp arm around like Woody from Toy Story! So next day he had to go to A&E. Finally the doctors find a hairline teeny tiny fracture in his elbow!! Poor little Tornado ๐ŸŒช

However today the sun is now shining ๐ŸŒžand I got 6 hours sleep last night! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Bonus. I feel normal Service has now been resumed at the Madhouse! …….Oooh and We won on Euromillions last night ๐ŸŽ‰ (a whole ยฃ6.80) but better than a poke in the eye. As the song says ‘Things Can Only Get Better’.

Life will improve soon Iโ€™m certain ๐Ÿ˜Š Gotta take the rough with the smooth and I’llย take whatever life throws at me!

Anyways I’m back in the game now! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜˜ I’ve missed my little ranting space. I’m So glad to be back to bend your ears! ๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿป

Also to make me feel better I am going ‘out out’ next month …… I’m gonna get shitfaced on jรคger bombs and dance on the tables!! Ha ha! ๐Ÿน๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜

Lynne X

Grappling Twins ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป

Watching my 2 youngest offspring rolling around the floor grappling with each other like some kind of ‘no holds barred’ WWF Wresting match ….. there’s eye poking, ear twisting, hair pulling. ๐Ÿ™Š I’m telling Albert “no” to him pulling his sisters tuft of hair for the umpteenth time this morning. He looks at me a smiles cheekily and does it twice as hard, grinning like a Cheshire Cat! ๐Ÿ˜บLittle git!!

Mind you Annie does give as good as she gets back to him to be fair. They trample (crawl) over each other so intent on reaching the closet bit of furniture. Yes, both twinnies are fully mobile and on the move now. Both crawling at speed, usually in opposite directions ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ We have a baby gate at every door, which I’ve swiftly learnt to scissor kick over the top (can’t open the bloody gate with 2 bubbas hanging onto the other side, looking like they’re in baby jail!) The Tornado ๐ŸŒช also loiters around the gate and gets his leg stuck in between the bars 101 times a day!!

Albert is walking proficiently round the furniture (coasting). Also standing up and even letting go momentarily. He’s practicing going up then down and laughing cause he’s plotting what mischief he can get into. He can do the whole flight of stairs too! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Annie has got the crawling down to a fine art now and she can get on her feet whilst touching her toes. She sits perfectly straight up with her legs in the splits….. like a little ballerina doing her stretches. However then she spoils the ambiance of being lady like by rolling over with her legs still a Kimber and farting in a not very graceful fashion!! ….Yeah yeah I know just like her mummy!!๐Ÿ™Š

Even though we’re almost 9 months in I still stop and think WOW I have twins I made these perfect little bundles …. it STILL has not sunk in completely. Life has been such a blur of shitty nappies, teething, baby puke, sleepless nights, messy weaning and most importantly survival.

These kids amaze me everyday, as do the other 3. ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’–

I wonder what it will be like in a couple more months when I have 3 under 3 literally running around, disobeying orders and causing havoc!!

I look forward to seeing what trouble the three of them will cause together?!!๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ

Time to employ NanneeMcPhee maybe?

Lots of love

L x

Albertโ€™s gone commando!

As the title suggests out Albert has worked out the commando crawl! He’s been getting around the floor since about 4/5 months rolling and wiggling about. Now (almost 7 months) he’s proficiently dragging his cute little ass to wherever he wants to explore! Also up on his hands and knees rocking and kinda jumping/shoving himself forward.

He’s here, he’s there ….. he’s everywhere! Lol๐Ÿ˜ณ

Annie isn’t too far behind him either but she can’t quite get the momentum to pull herself along. Instead she gets up on her hands and knees rocks then un-gracefully falls flat on her belly ‘land-swimming’ doing a breaststroke like motion (not actually moving). Mind you, She can easily roll over and over and shimmy backwards, getting herself into some awkward spots. There’s mild panic when u step back in the room and she’s disappeared, nowhere to be seen …. then a pair of eyes peekaboo out from underneath the footstool! ๐Ÿ‘€

It suddenly dawned on me …..oh how lovely it is they are developing well and becoming more independent. However HOW the hell am I gonna manage 3 toddlers on the move!?? All heading in different directions? I guess do a quick risk assessment and go to the one in most danger first? …..tie him or her up to lamppost or pushchair and at Wonder Woman speed spin round and scoop up the other 2? Bloody hell I’m gonna have my work cut out. Tommy started walking at 9 months so if these 2 follow suit I’m in for a right treat in a couple months time!! At least I might finally get skinny? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

I’m gonna have to try and put reins on the twins, to try and regain some sort of parental control! I’ll need one of those dog leads that splits into 2 and also one of those retractable dog leads for Tommy….so I can reel him back in as necessary! ๐Ÿคฃ ๐Ÿ™Š. In true toddler style ….He loves to drop to the ground (in the middle of a road) or refuse point blank to walk. He breaks free of my grip and bolts to jump in a random puddle he spotted 100 metres in the distance. My headstrong 2.5 year old already knows what he wants out of life ….. and woe betide anyone who gets in his way!!!

So watch this space cause I’m sure there will be a tale or two to tell in the near future. There’s never a dull moment here at The Madhouse as it is …… This will be bedlam!!! ๐Ÿคช

๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿผ ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธxxx

2017 Highlights ๐Ÿ˜Š

2017 holds so many special memories.

……The moment I found out I was having twins last January ๐Ÿ˜ณ was brilliant!! As hubby couldnโ€™t make it to the appointment, I was literally saying to the sonographer that I was going to wind him up and tell him thereโ€™s 2 babies in there!! …… she replied very straight faced โ€œoh but there IS 2 babies in there, did you not know? Look twin 1 & twin 2โ€!!! ……well I donโ€™t think I closed my mouth for an hour after this news. ๐Ÿ˜ฑ Crying and laughing at the same time, trying to process this information.

I had previously joked about the chances of twins with my midwife when booking and even with hubby in the morning. I thought heโ€™ll never actually believe me ha ha!! ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป.

…. and oh the emotion, when we were told we were going to have a pink one ๐Ÿ’– and a blue one ๐Ÿ’™Even Big Daddy had a happy tear in his eye ๐Ÿ˜˜

I have fond memories of Jumping around at a Robbie williams concert at 33 weeks pregnant……Wondering if it might send me into labour. I had visions Iโ€™d make the newspapers โ€œwoman gives birth live on big screen at Robbie gigโ€ lol ๐Ÿคฃ people did steer clear of me incase my waters went ๐Ÿ’ฆโ˜”๏ธLol Even up to 38 weeks I was still panicking , Thinking how will We will cope but we do. Weโ€™re still absolutely winging it everyday! ๐Ÿ‘

Giving birth to the twinnies was very surreal as Iโ€™ve never been induced before but it all happened so quickly. No dramas a bit of gas n air, few squeezes and out they popped! Easy as shelling peas! ๐Ÿคฃ Babies no 4 & 5. A healthy handsome boy and FINALLY a pretty little girlie! ๐ŸŽ€๐Ÿ˜

God knows what itโ€™ll be like for her, growing up with 4 brothers ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™ She will be well protected thatโ€™s for sure! Or she may be the one protecting them all?! ๐Ÿ˜†Somehow I donโ€™t think sheโ€™ll turn out to be a pretty pink princess but more of a roughty tufty tom boy ….. just like her mummy! Itโ€™s no secret Iโ€™m not such dab hand with the feather duster and Iโ€™m definitely not the next Nigella Lawson ๐Ÿคฃ me and my own Mum prefer a hammer and paintbrush to any rubber gloves or pots and pans.

Anyway……so we have two Pre-teens with hormones flying round the house like a bad smell and an almost threenager. Why do I get the feeling the terrible twos were nothing compared to the next year with a headstrong toddler?! ๐Ÿค”

Archie started secondary school this year and he absolutely is loving it so far! The way he looks at it is he can get loads more YouTube subscribers ๐Ÿคฃ Toby is growing into a strapping, caring young lad whoโ€™s bigger than me now๐Ÿ˜ณ….that is when we do actually see him. We have to surgically remove him from the x-box or iPhone and now and again he comes out of hiding in his pit (usually at feeding time).

The Tornado Tom-Tom ๐ŸŒชrunning me ragged each day but with his naughty character and cheekiness but one look and he melts my heart.

The long suffering husband Mr Maddog working his ass off all year and coming home to the usually chaotic place we call home! Luckily the man can give Gordon Ramsey a run for his money and he CAN cook without burning the meat to a crisp or serving cold shrivelled up potatoes and veg! (Unlike my cooking โ€˜skillsโ€™ ….but I do try at least!)๐Ÿ˜œ

Pickle the bi-polar dog is still very grumpy at the prospect of living alongside all these children however heโ€™s still a part of this mad family. Even though he dislikes me ๐Ÿถ

Canโ€™t wait for 2018 to unfold ….. just imagine the twins will be on the move very soon so walking in public with 3 under 2 will be rather challenging! The twins can roll and spin and wriggle across the room already! Trying to get bums in the air and up on their knees. Watch out world!

Happy new year to you all! I hope I can continue to entertain you with my craziness?

Next stop ….book, reality tv show?! Comedy sitcom? Who knows? ๐Ÿคฃ

Iโ€™m sure The Madden’s will have plenty more stories to tell! Bring it on I say……Come on 2018 I’m ready for ya ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿพ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰xxx

Stay at home mum

Today me and the kids had a day at home to re-group. Been a busy few weeks and I am bloody shattered!๐Ÿ˜ด

Firstly my morning starts by soaking my socks stepping in a puddle of toddler pee. ๐Ÿ’ฆย Itย could have been much worse I guess ๐Ÿ’ฉMeanwhile whilst I’m mopping up, The Tornado is running riot. He’s butt naked after wiggling out of (clothes and nappy) flashing the neighbours, standing up loud and proud at the window sill. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

His next trick is his new fave game ‘see how fast the spat out banana can race/fall down the wall’… 4 hours later discover this game has happened all over downstairs. There is slimy black banana deposited all over walls doors! A Bit in each room. ๐ŸŒYuck! Then I sat on regurgitated chocolate biscuit on the sofa (he was obviously saving for later) Double yuck!

The Big boys are off sick today. Let’s just say this involves copious amounts of pooh, snot, intermittent moaning how life is so unfair! ย ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคง๐Ÿค’

The Twinnies are teething big time so are a little on the touchy side! They won’t be put down ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป They demand my undivided attention 24/7 or they start wailing like a banshee, then laugh at me when I cuddle them!๐Ÿ’ They’re learning all the tricks of the trade these bubbas. (But still ever so cute so forgiven instantly) They are definitely clued up in how to make noise and get get noticed in this mad house. Of course they are not feeling 100% so cuddles it is and sod the housework (again)!

Those that know me well, know I’m no domestic goddess. I get by and always have good intentions at being organised and tidy ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธEasier said than done living with my lot! The house gets tidied mostly an hour before visitors come over ๐Ÿคฃย I HATE cooking with a passion but love eating food! I seriously can burn water though! …..Luckily Mr Maddog can can cook up a storm in the kitchen. ๐Ÿฅ˜๐ŸSo we don’t have to eat my burnt ๐Ÿ”ฅ offerings and cold veg too often. Definitely not my forte. Anyone for takeaway? Lol.

The kids are clean, clothed, fed, loved and mostly happy so must be doing something right?! Right? ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

I love my life ๐Ÿ˜ฉ ……No really I do ๐Ÿ˜ but sometimes In the words of great philosopher Dory “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” ๐Ÿ