Sleep is overrated anyway?! 😴

It’s the eve of the first day back at school and none of my kids feel like sleeping at all! 👍

The big boys are squabbling and fighting in their room and after telling them them to calm down around 17 gazillion times at 12.30am they finally give in and shut up! The rope and gaffer tape worked a treat! 😉

Before they did actually calm down they managed to wake The twins up. Yippee! Thankfully they dozed on the sofa for a bit, whilst I pottered around getting all the school uniform prepared and bags etc

About 1am who’s that I hear bounding along the passageway …. u got it The Tornado 🌪heard there was a baby party going on in the lounge and didn’t wanna miss out!

He thudded down the stairs trampled on his sleeping brother, waking him up and proceeded to steal his sisters bottle from her mouth….therefore waking her up. All three up and all hell let loose!! FFS of all nights I could have done with some sleep for a clear head in the morning?! 🤷🏻‍♀️😬

I hadn’t eaten, or showered. I was still wearing my day clothes and was sooooo fecking tired even before all the baby shenanigans tonight I was absolutley knackered!

After much sssshhhhh-ing and NO be quiet they kept teasing me snuggling up for a brief quiet moment and then springing to life again with yet another second wind.

Tornado was clattering his pissing Ninky Nonk toy around the fooor and crashing it as loud as possible. Then his whale toy was rammed repeatedly into the side of my head (he has a thing for doing this) Then he grabbed a chunk of my hair from my head and yanked out a clump Just for fun. 😩

I shoved the night garden on repeat on the tele box 📺 with barely any volume. Not ideal I know but at 2am I was pretty desperate for them to settle down so tried milk, blanket, cuddles ..all to no avail.

At this point Bam Bam had star-fished on one of the sofas and had gone back to kip 😴 1 down 2 to go!!

Meanwhile Pebbles had turned into bloody ‘spider girl’ she was teetering on the edge of the radiator and flinging herself off the sofa bouncing. Then balancing upside down on her head.

I was getting to the end of my tether. It was 3am now so I’m pleading with Tommy to be quiet and go to sleep. Literally begging him in desperation with tears streaming 😭 down my face. Saying that mummy REALLY needs to go to sleep now. So I turned tv off cause that plan didn’t work. After being handed the remote a several hundred times and Tornado flicking the light switch on and off like a strobe effect …… the neighbours probably think we were actually having a fucking disco.

Around 4am ish both Pebbles and Tornado finally gave in! 3 hours before we needed to get up for school.

Ah, So much fun we had🌪👶🏻👶🏻🤫😴🤦🏻‍♀️😭😩 lol

Thanks for reading (congrats if you got this far!) I’m all out of rants …..for now! 😘

Love L x

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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We survived the school holidays …. just!

Yes I know we’re already a week back to school but it’s been hectic!!! Phew! 2 weeks off school with 5 kids has brought me to the edge of insanity BUT we got through it! Lol We’ve had tears and meltdowns (me and them), squabbling, screaming, fisticuffs and to top it off a fractured toddler elbow!!! 😩

Whilst other parents post pictures of their perfectly well behaved children doing something wholesome and outdoorsy every day, I’m a prisoner in my own home. Stuck in the house arguing with the big boys that it’s time to vacate their pit and switch the X Box off!!

The Little ones taking it in turns to cry, shit, sleep, repeat! 👶🏻👶🏻🤦🏻‍♀️

Seriously I’m at the end of my tether….. I’m not gonna lie these past few weeks have been bloody hard work!!!

My eldest has become practically aggro-phobic and doesn’t want to leave his safe zone at home. His anxiety has reached new heightened levels so it takes hours of persuasion but we eventually try leaving the house for a walk. Nice bit of fresh air in our lungs 🐾🐶🌲🍃 However as the end of the hols drew closer we did manage to get The big boys out swimming with dad, to a retro gaming cafe (more computers) lol. We hid a few decorated rocks on our walk to then post on Facebook and re-hid them for others to find …..apparently it’s a new craze. Who knew?! For more info See.Portsmouth Rocks UKFinally I braved it and took all 5 to the inflatables session….. which is basically loads of bouncy castles indoors and 30 odd kids running riot! Fun times 👍

So they did get out and do and few activities eventually.

In other news the twins are teething big time and I am seriously sleep deprived. Getting roughly 3-4 hours sleep a night is not really sufficient to survive 😴 Tommy has literally been beating me up out of frustration daily and sometimes quite violently ☹️ and in between cuddles But I grin and bear it, heartbreaking as it is. Poor me!

On Thursday the Tornado fell off the sofa (climbing again) so a 10pm little trip to the local treatment centre was in order. We thought he’d popped his elbow out if it’s joint again ….so they clicked it back into place. However this time something wasn’t right, he still couldn’t use it and was dragging his limp arm around like Woody from Toy Story! So next day he had to go to A&E. Finally the doctors find a hairline teeny tiny fracture in his elbow!! Poor little Tornado 🌪

However today the sun is now shining 🌞and I got 6 hours sleep last night! 😃 Bonus. I feel normal Service has now been resumed at the Madhouse! …….Oooh and We won on Euromillions last night 🎉 (a whole £6.80) but better than a poke in the eye. As the song says ‘Things Can Only Get Better’.

Life will improve soon I’m certain 😊 Gotta take the rough with the smooth and I’ll take whatever life throws at me!

Anyways I’m back in the game now! 😃💪🏻😘 I’ve missed my little ranting space. I’m So glad to be back to bend your ears! 👂🏻👂🏻

Also to make me feel better I am going ‘out out’ next month …… I’m gonna get shitfaced on jäger bombs and dance on the tables!! Ha ha! 🍹🥂🍾💃🏻😁

Lynne X

Grappling Twins 👶🏻👶🏻

Watching my 2 youngest offspring rolling around the floor grappling with each other like some kind of ‘no holds barred’ WWF Wresting match ….. there’s eye poking, ear twisting, hair pulling. 🙊 I’m telling Albert “no” to him pulling his sisters tuft of hair for the umpteenth time this morning. He looks at me a smiles cheekily and does it twice as hard, grinning like a Cheshire Cat! 😺Little git!!

Mind you Annie does give as good as she gets back to him to be fair. They trample (crawl) over each other so intent on reaching the closet bit of furniture. Yes, both twinnies are fully mobile and on the move now. Both crawling at speed, usually in opposite directions 🤦🏻‍♀️ We have a baby gate at every door, which I’ve swiftly learnt to scissor kick over the top (can’t open the bloody gate with 2 bubbas hanging onto the other side, looking like they’re in baby jail!) The Tornado 🌪 also loiters around the gate and gets his leg stuck in between the bars 101 times a day!!

Albert is walking proficiently round the furniture (coasting). Also standing up and even letting go momentarily. He’s practicing going up then down and laughing cause he’s plotting what mischief he can get into. He can do the whole flight of stairs too! 😮

Annie has got the crawling down to a fine art now and she can get on her feet whilst touching her toes. She sits perfectly straight up with her legs in the splits….. like a little ballerina doing her stretches. However then she spoils the ambiance of being lady like by rolling over with her legs still a Kimber and farting in a not very graceful fashion!! ….Yeah yeah I know just like her mummy!!🙊

Even though we’re almost 9 months in I still stop and think WOW I have twins I made these perfect little bundles …. it STILL has not sunk in completely. Life has been such a blur of shitty nappies, teething, baby puke, sleepless nights, messy weaning and most importantly survival.

These kids amaze me everyday, as do the other 3. 💙💙💙💙💖

I wonder what it will be like in a couple more months when I have 3 under 3 literally running around, disobeying orders and causing havoc!!

I look forward to seeing what trouble the three of them will cause together?!!🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

Time to employ NanneeMcPhee maybe?

Lots of love

L x

All Aboard the Autism Train

As the days go by it’s looking increasingly likely that I have a 3rd child with Autism/ADHD.

Tornado Tommy is next up to jump on! Buckle up kids you’re in for a rocky ride!

The familiar and sometimes peculiar behaviours he’s displaying is just confirming what we already suspected. We are 99% sure he is on the spectrum.

Tornado Tommy is a proper little character and yet different to the bigger boys in many ways. He is hectic & destructive and never ever sits still (just like his brothers) An average 2 year old can be crazy and hectic but it’s extreme with him.

The mahoosive explosive hour long meltdowns that come out of the blue……he’s completely non-verbal. He used to try and say a handful of words at 18months then just regressed back to zero speech ☹️ .

The repetitive, obsessional behaviours.

The lashing out in temper and frustration. He hits and kicks me, quite hard (yet unmeaningly) during meltdowns. To gain my attention he might bosh me on the head with the remote a few times if he wants the channel changing. Or he might full on slap me round the chops! 😮If I don’t give him my immediate attention.

My older boys never did these things! It’s pretty hard to accept your child beating the shit out of you and just having to calmly smile through gritted teeth and try to diffuse the situation before it escalates! But hey ho we just have to grin and bear it for now. It’s Soooo hard and frustrating for him and us!

Also he has started banging his head repetitively on the floor during a complete meltdown. Any hard surface he can find and his poor head gets it THUMP 🤕. This is extremely worrying and heartbreaking to see him in such distress 😢 Poor boy!

Tommy plays alternatively lining random objects and toys up everyday. He’s more interested in the chippings at the park than using the equipment and joining in with other kids playing. To name but a few of his ways.

……..So anyway we’re on the pathway for diagnosis but it’s still too early to diagnose officially. Obviously having already been there, done that and got the t-shirt (twice) as seasoned Autism parents we kinda know what we’re dealing with already! 😜

It is obviously is genetic somewhere along the line as 3 out of 5 are autistic so far!

I’m just hoping once the speech comes along some of his impulsive, irrational behaviours will simmer down a bit! 🙏🏻

The boy has got bucket loads of character though so I’m sure there will be a few more funny tales (not funny at the time) to tell. 🤣Watch this space! Lol.

I obviously was not meant to have an easy life with my lot…. so I have to embrace the madness! If I didn’t I’d be locked in a padded cell, heavily sedated for the rest of my days!! 🤣😜😳

Normal is way over rated anyways!! Three of our very special boys have this label but each and everyone of them have qualities and personalities that shine above the disability.

YES they are all have their quirks and their behaviour is often unruly and off the scale BUT they are our boys and through thick and thin We will love and protect them always 😊 xxx

Don’t forget Autism Awareness day is 2nd April…. Spread the word x

Feeling Fugly!!!!

Warning ‼️ Self pity post! Boo hoo, poor me! 😭 ……I’m Not looking for sympathy just somewhere to rant……you all know I like doing that!! 😜

As I look in the mirror I hardly recognise the reflection staring back at me! The old haggard face I see before me looks completly and utterly done in! 👵🏻 Sporting a Cruella-de-Ville style hair ‘style’ (I say style …. scraped up in a mum bun not been washed or brushed for more than a week).

Let’s call it Vintage but not in a good way…….just because at 41 I’m looking wrinkly and much, much older than my years!!!

I’m well and truly looking like a geriatric Mum at the moment! As someone said to me once “You carry on popping out kids, you’ll be collecting your pension at the same time as child benefit” 🤣 This is funny but also true 😳.

6 months in with the twins, I’m up to my neck in shitty nappies and wading through mountains and mountains washing, my kitchen currently resembles my very own launderette!

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE 😍 being a Mum but sometimes it would be nice to be ME again!

Seriously though my backside has quadrupled in size since giving birth to the twins !! 😳 Even though I don’t sit still often. I’m always chasing the little cherubs around, keeping them out of mischief and danger. My curves are nothing whatsoever to do with the family size dairy milk bar I guzzle in one night or 3 sugars I shovel into my tea ten times a day! Oh no! 🙊I refuse to buy new more accommodating clothes for my new chunky figure as I’m hoping I will drop like 4 dress sizes in the next month or 2! Ha ha! I can dream…… only way that’ll happen is if I have my mouth sewn shut or a gastric band!

I really do miss shaking my ass at Zumba and wiggling my big child bearing hips at hula hoop class. Mind you If I go making any rash movements, jumping around, it will likely measure 8 on the Richter scale lol 🤣 Anyway i just don’t physically have the time or energy to participate right now!

I could also do with some serious Botox, relaxing and pampering 💆🏻‍♀️! I’m sure a weekend away at a spa would help! Hint Hint Daddy Maddog

…..Ok so enough moaning and time to do something about it right?! Slimming World, bubble bath 🛁, some tunes, industrial strength razor (yes I may even push the boat out and shave my legs) 🤣 Kids all asleep ✔️ Check …… so I take an actual bath at gone midnight but it is heaven.

I’m not into all this new year, new me bullshit resolutions but maybe I should try looking after ME as well as the brood!!

I’m currently filling up my diary for the next few months. Hopefully this will involve a few raucous nights “out out” 🥂🍷🍾with the girls as well as a few coffee ☕️ ‘moanings’ …. maybe even a date night with Big Daddy? 😉 😉

I Might make myself pretty again by putting on a bit of make up (with a trowel). Maybe dye/brush my hair occasionally and dust off the straighteners.💁🏻‍♀️

After all if you don’t look after yourself you won’t be able to look after those that rely on you! Sooner or later you will crash and burn.

It’s so worth the hard work though for those sprogs of mine! 😊

Meanwhile… I’ve eaten a whole pack of choccy hobnobs to myself whilst writing this !!😩 Time to get my arse in gear me thinks.

All donations to Lynne’s Spa weekend/liposuction/tummy tuck/Botox fund gratefully received, thanks! 😘xxx

Invisible disability

An education in autism.

From looking at my boys you wouldn’t really know there is anything different about them.
My 2 eldest ones have a diagnosis of autism and ADHD. Archie was diagnosed with classic autism age 4 as it was very obvious and Toby diagnosed with Aspergers later at age 6. There is also the distinct possibility that the Tornado (2)🌪could also be on the spectrum somewhere. We’ll cross that bridge as and when we come to it.

The big ones draw attention to themselves daily by their outrageous behaviours and quirkiness. They do everything at 100mph (That is everything except getting dressed for school). The volume is always cranked right up day or night. Their shouting and squawking goes right through you sometimes 🙉. I’ve become accustomed to their strange little ways BUT those passer bys and people looking from the outside in, sometimes look on in disgust and utter disbelief.

We regularly get the disapproving looks, stares, comments and tuts. …….not that’s it’s any of their fecking business! 😬They can see me struggling already but throw daggers at me muttering under their breath about my unruly children. If only they could walk a day in my shoes and see how hard ‘normal’ Life is for us.

Mind you before becoming a Special Needs mum myself, I too, was probably quick to judge… If a kid was playing up in The supermarket for instance, I would assume they were being naughty and vowed my kids would never be like THAT spoiled brat.

Oh how my opinion has changed! Knowing what I do now . When I spot a mum getting flustered as her child is having a massive meltdown, I feel empathy for them and try not to draw any extra attention to her as she’s struggling to cope. If I do happen catch their eye I give a knowing nod and smile. Whether their child is diagnosed with a disability or not, that friendly glance will make the world of difference to them. 😊

The disapproving old biddys and oh so perfect mothers can do one 🖕🏻I’ve been in this game long enough to mostly ignore those kind of people. Arseholes to em!! But obviously I am only human so they may catch me off guard on the odd occasion. 😓

I do explain to people who I think want to listen and be educated on autism/ADHD or sensory overload ……At least I can say that my kids are not just naughty unruly little shits😳. There is a reason for the way they behave most of the time! I only talk to strangers who might try to understand at least. Alas there are some people who will never even try to see how difficult it is. For us to do normal every day activities with special Needs kids takes planning, a calm disposition, patience and a good sense of humour. 😜

Some people think your kids just a good slap and discipline would sort them out…..How very wrong they are! Unfortunately their brains are wired up differently and the way they see the world is from a totally different perspective to you and I or the neurotypical person. Yes they are loud, they have tics, make strange shrill noises, repeat the same things over and over, they’re obsessive and do crazy impulsive things. Not to mention the lack of social skills and taking everything literally.

Obviously they are not all sweet and innocent and quite capable of playing me up but as a SEN parent you have to decipher what is behaviour due to autism ADHD PDA ODD sensory processing disorder to name but a few things it could be OR if they are being naughty in the traditional sense and need punishment. It’s very difficult to see the difference sometimes.

I’d like to say it gets easier as the boys grow up but the challenges that arise are just different especially when u throw in a shit load of testosterone. The dreaded puberty years!! The boys are as big as me in size and more vocal and argumentative nowadays. I find myself wagging my finger, looking up to them when telling them off! Kevin the Teenager has nothing on these boys. I hear myself saying things you’d hear your mother say like ” if you WHAT me one more Time young man you will be in big trouble” …….my God I’m getting old even caught myself saying “back in my day this would have happened …. ” WTF ?! then Made a mental note to never utter those words again 🤣

I won’t lie, sometimes it does get to you, the way other people think and the rude comments they make. I mostly turn the blinkers on and just focus on the kids diffusing any difficult situations we have. Mostly I don’t let it get to me and just have a good rant on Facebook and most importantly I laugh at these off moments cause if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry (all day long)!! 😭seriously though it’s good to make light of bad situations and think oh well tomorrow is another day. Draw a line under it and Move along swiftly!

Phew that was along one and a bit on the serious side but felt it needed to be aired😘😊😜 xxx 

Stay at home mum

Today me and the kids had a day at home to re-group. Been a busy few weeks and I am bloody shattered!😴

Firstly my morning starts by soaking my socks stepping in a puddle of toddler pee. 💦 It could have been much worse I guess 💩Meanwhile whilst I’m mopping up, The Tornado is running riot. He’s butt naked after wiggling out of (clothes and nappy) flashing the neighbours, standing up loud and proud at the window sill. 😮

His next trick is his new fave game ‘see how fast the spat out banana can race/fall down the wall’… 4 hours later discover this game has happened all over downstairs. There is slimy black banana deposited all over walls doors! A Bit in each room. 🍌Yuck! Then I sat on regurgitated chocolate biscuit on the sofa (he was obviously saving for later) Double yuck!

The Big boys are off sick today. Let’s just say this involves copious amounts of pooh, snot, intermittent moaning how life is so unfair!  💩🤢🤧🤒

The Twinnies are teething big time so are a little on the touchy side! They won’t be put down 👶🏻👶🏻 They demand my undivided attention 24/7 or they start wailing like a banshee, then laugh at me when I cuddle them!🐒 They’re learning all the tricks of the trade these bubbas. (But still ever so cute so forgiven instantly) They are definitely clued up in how to make noise and get get noticed in this mad house. Of course they are not feeling 100% so cuddles it is and sod the housework (again)!

Those that know me well, know I’m no domestic goddess. I get by and always have good intentions at being organised and tidy 🤦🏻‍♀️Easier said than done living with my lot! The house gets tidied mostly an hour before visitors come over 🤣 I HATE cooking with a passion but love eating food! I seriously can burn water though! …..Luckily Mr Maddog can can cook up a storm in the kitchen. 🥘🍝So we don’t have to eat my burnt 🔥 offerings and cold veg too often. Definitely not my forte. Anyone for takeaway? Lol.

The kids are clean, clothed, fed, loved and mostly happy so must be doing something right?! Right? 😃

I love my life 😩 ……No really I do 😍 but sometimes In the words of great philosopher Dory “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” 🐠