10 Things that are no longer cool when youโ€™re a 40+ Mum (apparently)

1- Trying to keep up with the latest dance craze for example The Dab, Whip Ney Ney, The Floss

2- Attempting to make sense of games like Fornite, Roblox, COD etc I prefer a good old fashioned Mario game on the Super Nintendo me! lol #oldskool

3- Singing and dancing in public to embarrass your kids (tbh this was never actually a cool mum thing to do but ……it’s just so funny to wind them up ๐Ÿคฃ) Nursery rhymes, made up songs, musicals and of course annoying baby shark at the top of my voice ๐Ÿ‘

4- Writing text abbreviations (and sometimes forgetting what they actually mean) trying get down with the kids ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

5- Getting tipsy drunk and dancing to a party action song such as the birdie song, cha-cha slide, Macarena etc Not really acceptable as cool Mum behaviour any age but I still like to participate in any case…even if I’m sober Lol One thing I find as I get older, I really don’t give a shit what people think ๐Ÿ˜Š. Also on special occasions, I like shaking my bum in a club like I’m freakin’ Shakira …My child bearing ‘Hips Don’t Lie’

6- Peeking over the top of your spectacles and squinting to look at someone. Also wearing glasses on those necklace thingys …. never cool but very practical!

7- When you no longer recognise some of the youngsters music and have to switch radio stations. Bye bye Capital FM hello Radio 2 lol

8- Talking about pooh size, shape, frequency, consistency is not cool but I can’t promise I won’t do this ….. most of my blog posts involve talking about baby plop๐Ÿ’ฉ

9- Wearing thong knickers….. Not for me anyway. Nowadays it’s like a bit of cheese wire cutting into ya cheeks! Nope since birthing 5 kids my fanny needs a break and no chaffing going on down there!! ๐Ÿ˜ณ Its Bridget Jones granny ‘ comfy’ knickers all day long for me. (Soz probably TMI)

10- Saying things to the kids such as “Back in my day such and such happened”

“Less of the cheek or I’ll give you a clip round the ear hole”,

“Chop, chop hurry up”

And my personal fave “Up the wooden hill”

I guess I’m not really all that cool then? ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚ Ah well at least I’m a little bit funny sometimes though! ๐Ÿคช

That’s all for now folks!

Lotsa love L ๐Ÿ˜˜ x

Advertisements

Sleep is overrated anyway?! ๐Ÿ˜ด

It’s the eve of the first day back at school and none of my kids feel like sleeping at all! ๐Ÿ‘

The big boys are squabbling and fighting in their room and after telling them them to calm down around 17 gazillion times at 12.30am they finally give in and shut up! The rope and gaffer tape worked a treat! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Before they did actually calm down they managed to wake The twins up. Yippee! Thankfully they dozed on the sofa for a bit, whilst I pottered around getting all the school uniform prepared and bags etc

About 1am who’s that I hear bounding along the passageway …. u got it The Tornado ๐ŸŒชheard there was a baby party going on in the lounge and didn’t wanna miss out!

He thudded down the stairs trampled on his sleeping brother, waking him up and proceeded to steal his sisters bottle from her mouth….therefore waking her up. All three up and all hell let loose!! FFS of all nights I could have done with some sleep for a clear head in the morning?! ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

I hadn’t eaten, or showered. I was still wearing my day clothes and was sooooo fecking tired even before all the baby shenanigans tonight I was absolutley knackered!

After much sssshhhhh-ing and NO be quiet they kept teasing me snuggling up for a brief quiet moment and then springing to life again with yet another second wind.

Tornado was clattering his pissing Ninky Nonk toy around the fooor and crashing it as loud as possible. Then his whale toy was rammed repeatedly into the side of my head (he has a thing for doing this) Then he grabbed a chunk of my hair from my head and yanked out a clump Just for fun. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

I shoved the night garden on repeat on the tele box ๐Ÿ“บ with barely any volume. Not ideal I know but at 2am I was pretty desperate for them to settle down so tried milk, blanket, cuddles ..all to no avail.

At this point Bam Bam had star-fished on one of the sofas and had gone back to kip ๐Ÿ˜ด 1 down 2 to go!!

Meanwhile Pebbles had turned into bloody ‘spider girl’ she was teetering on the edge of the radiator and flinging herself off the sofa bouncing. Then balancing upside down on her head.

I was getting to the end of my tether. It was 3am now so I’m pleading with Tommy to be quiet and go to sleep. Literally begging him in desperation with tears streaming ๐Ÿ˜ญ down my face. Saying that mummy REALLY needs to go to sleep now. So I turned tv off cause that plan didn’t work. After being handed the remote a several hundred times and Tornado flicking the light switch on and off like a strobe effect …… the neighbours probably think we were actually having a fucking disco.

Around 4am ish both Pebbles and Tornado finally gave in! 3 hours before we needed to get up for school.

Ah, So much fun we had๐ŸŒช๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ฉ lol

Thanks for reading (congrats if you got this far!) I’m all out of rants …..for now! ๐Ÿ˜˜

Love L x

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

School Run with the Maddenโ€™s ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Honestly you could not make this shit up!

The morning school run is most definitely NOT my favourite part of the day! In fact the sheer thought of piling 5 kids in the van send shivers right down my spine.

From the outside it could be seen as a comedy sketch, from the inside I sometimes just want the ground to swallow me up and ball my eyes out (which sometimes does happen). But instead, you lucky people get the pleasure of my ranting blog post!! ๐Ÿคช

So if you’ve not got bored yet here’s how our typical morning went…….

The big ones have had me in tears ๐Ÿ˜ญ today, trying to get them ready and off to school!

We’ve had tantrums, meltdowns, squabbles and fisticuffs all before having our weetabix. FML ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

The older boys really do not like mornings (which I do kinda get if truth be told). After calling them every 10 mins for an hour since 7am. They finally rise from the pit they call their bedroom. They both have their duvets wrapped around them and sulking about being woken up too early. It’s now gone 8am and one is telling me how unfair life is and how he hates school. To be fair he does struggle with anxiety, so I do understand when he’s having trouble coping. The social pressures of senior school are very real ๐Ÿ˜ž.

However today it was those lovely teen hormones showing themselves and the boys were just literally niggling at each other and me!!

The night before I lay out everyone’s clothes shoes bags even down to underwear and deodorant, hair gel etc all ready to go in the morning.

It doesn’t matter if we get up at 6.30am or 8.30am We are still ALWAYS FUCKING LATE. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

The babies are no real problem in the mornings (as yet anyways) they just go from cot into the minbus in their pjs with a bottle. The Tornado ๐ŸŒช is starting to play hard ballย In the mornings though running away, out the front door faster than a lightening bolt. He thinks it’s hilarious to play chase when we’re late but he knows no different. Being non verbal, he has no real understanding of why we are rushing in the morning. It’s all a big game to him.

So we finally get everyone outside and Tommy is pulling a refusal to get in the van. I have to carry him kicking and screaming and fold him into the car seat. I try to distract him with a random song, a tickle or counting game whilst i secure him with the belt swiftly. His arms escape the harness numerous times…..Phew I’m really working up a sweat now!

Were on the move (albeit 45 mins late) and the stimming starts. Repetitive noises/phrases and shrill high pitch sounds come from both the big boys, It’s a coping mechanism for them. As were stuck at traffic lights they shout out random remarks to passing cars with their windows down! Nothing rude thank god! ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Finally we approach the school car park. Watch out, The Maddenโ€™s have entered the building!

And…… I can breath! We made it ๐Ÿคช๐ŸŽ‰โ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š

There is always some drama in our life each day but all Iโ€™ll say is “Better Late Than Never” Iโ€™m actually surprised we even get out the front door to be honest! ๐Ÿคฃ

Rant over and out ….. once again thanks for reading!

Love L x๐Ÿ˜Š

Life ……oh My life!

Oh hello! ๐Ÿค— Remember me? The little bit insane mother with lots of kids! Lol ๐Ÿคฃ

Long time no rant! So here goes……

Today has been very trying! It’s only 12pm lunchtime and I’ve done 9 nappy changes (including 4 poonamis), 4 outfit changes. 1 pukey throwing up incident.

Annie has been chasing me round crawling at the speed of light โšก๏ธShe’s trying to eat out of the dustpan as quick as I can sweep up! Albert has delved into the sudocreme no less than 6 times today whilst I’m changing the others and has eaten a good handful of it too! He bites the lid off and tucks in like its some kind of yummy treat! ๐Ÿคข

Those of you that follow my social media pages will know this has become quite the obsession with Master Albert! Little git๐Ÿ˜œ.

Albert is a climber…. he climbs the sofa, footstool and is eyeing up the window sill next. This is where big Bro The Tornado spends a lot of his time! Albert can walk with toys in front and swing between the furniture like a boss. He is practicing letting go and standing independently so I think we are gonna be mobile on 2 feet very, very soon ๐Ÿ˜ณ.

Miss Annie isn’t too far behind, she’s a little more wobbly but blimey the girl can get around fast. She can stand at the sofa and she’s not far off cruising. Annie likes to be upside down a lot and she watches tv like it, through her legs. She knows exactly what she wants and she will take it (milk, juice, biscuits, toys) she steels from her brothers and laughs when they cry…..little minx. She’s not daft! ๐Ÿ’–

Then there’s The Tornado ๐ŸŒช Well he’s still hectic as you like ๐Ÿคฃ and he is actually saying a few understandable words like ‘yeah’ , ‘ball’ and ‘up’ . It’s a little random at the moment but it’s progress none the less. He is nearly 3 and non verbal aside from these snippets. It’s gives us a glimmer of hope that his words will come eventually. It’s all very exciting stuff ๐ŸŽ‰chuffed Mumma right here ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š. I’m sure, He too will be backchatting us in around 10 years time. Lol.

Life with 3 under 3 is far from a boring life that’s for sure and add to that the 2 big boys and their teenage hormones, anxiety and obsessions. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ More fun than you can shake a stick at! ๐Ÿคฃ

I still love being Mum though, hard as it might be. I’m older, wiser? ๐Ÿค” greyer and wrinklier ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿป but can still get down with the kids when needed (much to the embarrassment of my eldest)……Yes, I can do The Floss ๐Ÿ˜Ž ha ha!

It’s Half term too so thankfully no bastard school run to do! However it’s not that easy for me to take them all out by my myself. Entertaining 5 kids of varying ages is a challenge but we muddle through as best we can.

The big boys are banned from the X-box right now for being lairy/cheeky so they are driving me up the bloody wall! With cries of “I’m bored” or in Kevin the Teenager style “It’s so unfair when can I go back online” “Never” I reply *stomps off in strop…….Kids ey….Gotta love em ๐Ÿ˜

Well that’s our update on life for now! Nothing too enthralling but there’ll be plenty more tales to tell. Watch this space. I’m Just Trying to find my writing mojo again. It has been pretty full on lately as you can imagine. I’ve had no time to scratch my ass let alone blog! Fingers crossed I’ll find a bit of time here and there to keep you all amused.

Ta-Ta for now

Love L ๐Ÿ˜˜ x

We survived the school holidays …. just!

Yes I know we’re already a week back to school but it’s been hectic!!! Phew! 2 weeks off school with 5 kids has brought me to the edge of insanity BUT we got through it! Lol We’ve had tears and meltdowns (me and them), squabbling, screaming, fisticuffs and to top it off a fractured toddler elbow!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

Whilst other parents post pictures of their perfectly well behaved children doing something wholesome and outdoorsy every day, I’m a prisoner in my own home. Stuck in the house arguing with the big boys that it’s time to vacate their pit and switch the X Box off!!

The Little ones taking it in turns to cry, shit, sleep, repeat! ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Seriously I’m at the end of my tether….. I’m not gonna lie these past few weeks have been bloody hard work!!!

My eldest has become practically aggro-phobic and doesn’t want to leave his safe zone at home. His anxiety has reached new heightened levels so it takes hours of persuasion but we eventually try leaving the house for a walk. Nice bit of fresh air in our lungs ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿถ๐ŸŒฒ๐Ÿƒ However as the end of the hols drew closer we did manage to get The big boys out swimming with dad, to a retro gaming cafe (more computers) lol. We hid a few decorated rocks on our walk to then post on Facebook and re-hid them for others to find …..apparently it’s a new craze. Who knew?! For more info See.Portsmouth Rocks UKFinally I braved it and took all 5 to the inflatables session….. which is basically loads of bouncy castles indoors and 30 odd kids running riot! Fun times ๐Ÿ‘

So they did get out and do and few activities eventually.

In other news the twins are teething big time and I am seriously sleep deprived. Getting roughly 3-4 hours sleep a night is not really sufficient to survive ๐Ÿ˜ด Tommy has literally been beating me up out of frustration daily and sometimes quite violently โ˜น๏ธ and in between cuddles But I grin and bear it, heartbreaking as it is. Poor me!

On Thursday the Tornado fell off the sofa (climbing again) so a 10pm little trip to the local treatment centre was in order. We thought he’d popped his elbow out if it’s joint again ….so they clicked it back into place. However this time something wasn’t right, he still couldn’t use it and was dragging his limp arm around like Woody from Toy Story! So next day he had to go to A&E. Finally the doctors find a hairline teeny tiny fracture in his elbow!! Poor little Tornado ๐ŸŒช

However today the sun is now shining ๐ŸŒžand I got 6 hours sleep last night! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Bonus. I feel normal Service has now been resumed at the Madhouse! …….Oooh and We won on Euromillions last night ๐ŸŽ‰ (a whole ยฃ6.80) but better than a poke in the eye. As the song says ‘Things Can Only Get Better’.

Life will improve soon Iโ€™m certain ๐Ÿ˜Š Gotta take the rough with the smooth and I’llย take whatever life throws at me!

Anyways I’m back in the game now! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜˜ I’ve missed my little ranting space. I’m So glad to be back to bend your ears! ๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿป

Also to make me feel better I am going ‘out out’ next month …… I’m gonna get shitfaced on jรคger bombs and dance on the tables!! Ha ha! ๐Ÿน๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜

Lynne X

Grappling Twins ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป

Watching my 2 youngest offspring rolling around the floor grappling with each other like some kind of ‘no holds barred’ WWF Wresting match ….. there’s eye poking, ear twisting, hair pulling. ๐Ÿ™Š I’m telling Albert “no” to him pulling his sisters tuft of hair for the umpteenth time this morning. He looks at me a smiles cheekily and does it twice as hard, grinning like a Cheshire Cat! ๐Ÿ˜บLittle git!!

Mind you Annie does give as good as she gets back to him to be fair. They trample (crawl) over each other so intent on reaching the closet bit of furniture. Yes, both twinnies are fully mobile and on the move now. Both crawling at speed, usually in opposite directions ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ We have a baby gate at every door, which I’ve swiftly learnt to scissor kick over the top (can’t open the bloody gate with 2 bubbas hanging onto the other side, looking like they’re in baby jail!) The Tornado ๐ŸŒช also loiters around the gate and gets his leg stuck in between the bars 101 times a day!!

Albert is walking proficiently round the furniture (coasting). Also standing up and even letting go momentarily. He’s practicing going up then down and laughing cause he’s plotting what mischief he can get into. He can do the whole flight of stairs too! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Annie has got the crawling down to a fine art now and she can get on her feet whilst touching her toes. She sits perfectly straight up with her legs in the splits….. like a little ballerina doing her stretches. However then she spoils the ambiance of being lady like by rolling over with her legs still a Kimber and farting in a not very graceful fashion!! ….Yeah yeah I know just like her mummy!!๐Ÿ™Š

Even though we’re almost 9 months in I still stop and think WOW I have twins I made these perfect little bundles …. it STILL has not sunk in completely. Life has been such a blur of shitty nappies, teething, baby puke, sleepless nights, messy weaning and most importantly survival.

These kids amaze me everyday, as do the other 3. ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’–

I wonder what it will be like in a couple more months when I have 3 under 3 literally running around, disobeying orders and causing havoc!!

I look forward to seeing what trouble the three of them will cause together?!!๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ

Time to employ NanneeMcPhee maybe?

Lots of love

L x

Mud, Mud Glorious Mud!

In true Madden style a simple family dog walk ends up being an unexpected mudfest, right up to our knees.

It was all going so well…. it only took us 3 hours to actually leave the house today! So we took ourselves on a little wander, just local nowhere too extravagant.

About half way round Tommy decided he didn’t want to walk any further and wanted to be carried. Picture this…. I am 5ft 2, I have the twins in the pushchair, the dog attached and Tommy precariously balanced on the handlebar with his arms wrapped around me! We got a few strange looks as I was pushing it along 2 steps at a time, as his bum kept slipping off. Great I’m gonna have to carry him home ๐Ÿ‘ So onto my child bearing hip he goes…. now carrying him is pretty challenging. He’s lanky and tall and likes to arch his back then go stiff as a board.

Just for good measure Tommy then decides to repeatedly slap my face as hard as he could, just as we walk past a calm normal family with 2.4 children. I saw them do a double take, gasp and count all the children throwing a disapproving glance our way!! YES I have 5 fucking children and a dog! Get over it! Yes I’m having a traumatic time right now! So do yourselves a favour and look away!!! (Of course I didn’t actually say this to them but sometimes wish I was that outspoken lol) Jeez some people! ๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿป๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

We are 5 mins from home now but if we take a shortcut across the field it’ll take 2 mins I thought! I called to Toby up ahead “How Muddy is the field right now?” “Not muddy at all he says!” So we proceed to take the ‘short cut’. FML not only was it muddier than a farmers welly boot. We were already half way across, so no point in turning back now! If I stood still any longer I was gonna need a tow rope to pull me and the babies out of the deep muddy puddle I had rolled into!!

Now I did NOT have my wellies on … no far from it. I had my brand new, out of the box, fresh as a fucking daisy white pumps on!! ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Meanwhile Tommy had found his second wind and was happily jumping in the mud trousers and trainers soaked. Happy as a pig in shit! Literally! ๐Ÿท I don’t mind my kids getting mucky but I just want expecting it right this moment in time. Lol ๐Ÿคฃ Never mind it’s all good fun and we were only a few minutes away from home.

So we finally get home 10 minutes or so later than the bloody long way round. We go in the back gate and I start hosing down shoes and pushchair. Then turn around and there is a semi-naked toddler standing there in his coat and socks with no pants on!! Talk about a chilly willy! โ„๏ธ He thinks it’s hilarious to try and catch the water from the hose….Anyone would think it was summer… He really does not care one iota! ๐Ÿ˜ณ Maybe he’ll grow up to be a naturist! Lol

My new shoes are ruined and the pushchair is caked in what I hope is just mud and not dog shite ๐Ÿ’ฉ! Gotta laugh at myself really…

So that was our crazy little dog walk. Always a comedy moment with these kids ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ™ˆ x