Me, Me, Me Time

Hello Long time no blog ey?! I bet you’ve missed me? Ha ha! I have been keeping You updated with the kids stuff on Facebook but though if I’m gonna call myself a blogger maybe I’d better actually write a proper post!! ๐Ÿ˜„

So this is a little bit different. It’s not all about the kids, as the title suggests it’s All About Me and my crazy antics this time๐Ÿ˜Š Hope you find it amusing ……….

I’ve been spending a little time on myself lately and leaving daddy to deal with the kids! I’ve gotta say he did do a grand job of keeping them alive and no real dramas ๐Ÿ‘ He might moan a lot about being ‘Daddy Daycare’ at the weekends but heโ€™s not all that bad ๐Ÿ˜˜

Here’s some of what I’ve been up to……..

Take That and Party!

So me and me Julie like to go to gigs so we went off to see the lovely Take That in Southampton…. well they most certainly did not disappoint. Had a brilliant night and a good view ๐Ÿ˜ sore throat from belting out their all time greatest hits! We had a fab night until…… the way home we were running late for the last train back to Pompey and of course we managed to get lost ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ. We couldn’t find the train station in the dark and we werenโ€™t even bloody drunk!! We took a short cut to get back and had to go down to street level from a shopping centre. Except all the shops were now closed. We found a Lift in the car park jumped in it and realised we couldnโ€™t get out of the door ๐Ÿ˜ณ. SHIT ๐Ÿ’ฉIt was stuck good and proper. We were already late for the train then the lift doors wouldnโ€™t open further than 2 inches! Kept trying the open door button and it just juddered and creaked barely opening at all. The alarm intercom thingy wasnโ€™t working no answer. We were dehydrated and needed a pee desperately ….Someone had pissed in the corner, which was nice but I was thinking Iโ€™m gonna have to go in a minute too. Panic started to set In. We were stuck in a fucking lift at almost midnight with barely any phone battery left after the concert. We yelled out the small gap โ€œhelp were stuck in the liftโ€ to people in the car park but they ignored us! The next time it opened a crevice I put my hands in and pulled as hard as I could with an almighty hulk like strength ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป. I did it I pulled apart the broken lift door and we made our escape thank fuck!! We somehow made our train too after actually running, almost hyperventilating and pissing our pants (my pelvic floor is not so good these days!) ๐Ÿคฃ

Spice Up Your Life โœŒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป๐ŸŒŽ

Next Up was Spice girls two weeks later. Love a bit of Girl Power โœŒ๐Ÿป They were really good performing as expected but the whole thing wasn’t amazing! Take That was a better experience (before the lift situation). Mainly because loads more drunk bitches were pushing and shoving past the whole show. Couldnโ€™t see much of the actual spice girls on stage only a glimpse now an again if you strained your neck on tip toes! (I am only 5ft). The atmosphere was amazing though and we sung our hearts out but the really pissed people were very annoying. Weโ€™d had a few vinos but not too many. Then would you believe it …..another drama? ๐Ÿ˜ณ Lol Me and Julie almost got stranded in bloody London couldnโ€™t find the coach park after the show and the stewards all sent us the wrong way ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ We panicked almost crying and collapsing in a heap on the floor! But we managed to pull ourselves together. We ended up walking outside Wembley in a dodgy part of town where the 3rd steward we asked sent us!!

We actually did a full lap around the outside of Wembley. We went back to the actual stadium and finally found the coach park 1/2 hour later!

When we eventually found the coach it was about to drive off back to Pompey without us!! ๐Ÿ˜ณ Iโ€™ve never shit my self so much I tell ya.

Literally Ran for the coach where we got told off and we sheepishly apologised to the others. Luckily the coach park was rammed so gave us extra time! …. honestly could only happen to us!! Stuck in a lift last time and almost stranded this time!! Lol We shouldnโ€™t be allowed out without close supervision lol ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Hula Hooping Race for Life

I decided to sign myself up for the 5k RFL but with did it with my hula hoop along with my lovely friends from Hoopshaker! Iโ€™ve done it before a few times and itโ€™s really good fun. I came out of retirement especially. I havenโ€™t hula hooped for about 4 years properly, what with having 3 babies within 2 years etc. So got back to a couple of classes before hand for practice and had a go in the garden every opportunity I could grab! This Girl’s still got it ๐Ÿ™Œโญ•๏ธ……I’m bit rusty but my child bearing hips are still good at wiggling a hoop ๐Ÿ˜Š The day of the Race was a lovely atmosphere and I met lots of new people.

Life is All About Balance

It’s so nice to do something for myself other than just being mum. As Much as I adore my position as chief ‘Chaos Co-ordinator’ aka Mum I love being part of a social group again. It does wonders for your confidence and breaks up the normality of life just for an hour or 2 a week …. an escape from reality. As good as any therapy session to improve your mental health and wellbeing.

After 2 years of basically just surviving Day by day I feel my life getting back on track now! The baby years have been a bit of a blur really but a nice blur of course.

Iโ€™ve let myself go mentally and physically to be honest, as Iโ€™ve been so concentrated on taking care of the kiddies. Now they are off to nursery and school in September I think things may improve and Iโ€™ll get some sort of balance back in my life! I wouldnโ€™t change a thing about my beautiful babies. I feel ready to take on new challenges now and grab back a piece of me time. After all, I so deserve it!! ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Iโ€™d love to try new things too like Rock choir …. a couple of my friends do this and looks amazing fun (also I could sing without being told to shut up your annoying/embarrassing!) ๐ŸŽค Iโ€™d Love to learn to do tricks/moves on my quad roller skates. Iโ€™ve even been looking at more circus skills like aerial hoop and static trapeze!!! One day maybe? Once I loose about 5 stone lol ๐Ÿคฃ When time allows in the future I might get to try some of these things out. Iโ€™d be so bored going to a gym or running everyday….Iโ€™d like to keep fit doing something different and a little bit crazy just like me๐Ÿ˜œ

Self confidence and making new friends from all walks of life is important to me. Taking up a hobby or two helps me to manage everything I have to deal with for my gorgeous special family. I donโ€™t usually let things grind me down, no matter how hard they get BUT I wouldnโ€™t be human if I said I donโ€™t have days when life IS overwhelming. Some time out can just give you enough breathing space to think calmly before taking on the next day/ with a fresh head and positive mindset. More of this please ๐Ÿ˜ŠPMAโœŒ๐Ÿป

Anyways I know I’m rambling on lots now, something I’m very good at! Lol Thanks for reading…. if you managed the whole post well done you ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™Œ

In the famous words of Shrek “Better out than In I always say” This Works for feelings and farts ๐Ÿ˜†

Lots of Love

L ๐Ÿ˜˜ xxx

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How to change a nappy in 10 easy steps

Method for fidgety toddlers

๐Ÿคฃ Step 1- Grab child, try to avoid spillages or baby poking fingers in pooh (there’s a time and a place for exploring sensory play and this is not it!)

Step 2- Pin child to the changing mat in a gentle but firm manner. (You can use your feet for this if necessary). Then commence crazy Singing…. a medley of their favourite nursery rhymes or a made up song about Pooh ๐Ÿ’ฉ

Step 3 – If this ‘pin down hold’ fails, try to change nappy standing up. Whip it off and hope that any debris doesn’t flick up in your face. Advise to keep mouth closed…. just incase!

Step 4- By now child will have escaped your grip and peed/poohed on the floor somewhere. Collect child up again with one arm and with the ‘spare’ hand, mop up any puddles of piss or rogue runaway nuggets…before another kid slides up/steps in it ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Step 5 – Whilst child is arching their back and wriggling around in protest, slap some nappy cream on as needed.

Step 6 – Remove child’s hands from sudocreme tub.

Step 7 – Catch child for the umpteenth time and chuck a pull up nappy on them faster than the speed of light.

Step 8 – Re-dress child after taking them off the window sil, dining room table or in the under stairs cupboard.

Step 9 – Repeat step 6.

Step 10- Start all over again as child has plopped in fresh nappy ๐Ÿ’ฉL x ๐Ÿคช

10 Things that are no longer cool when youโ€™re a 40+ Mum (apparently)

1- Trying to keep up with the latest dance craze for example The Dab, Whip Ney Ney, The Floss

2- Attempting to make sense of games like Fornite, Roblox, COD etc I prefer a good old fashioned Mario game on the Super Nintendo me! lol #oldskool

3- Singing and dancing in public to embarrass your kids (tbh this was never actually a cool mum thing to do but ……it’s just so funny to wind them up ๐Ÿคฃ) Nursery rhymes, made up songs, musicals and of course annoying baby shark at the top of my voice ๐Ÿ‘

4- Writing text abbreviations (and sometimes forgetting what they actually mean) trying get down with the kids ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

5- Getting tipsy drunk and dancing to a party action song such as the birdie song, cha-cha slide, Macarena etc Not really acceptable as cool Mum behaviour any age but I still like to participate in any case…even if I’m sober Lol One thing I find as I get older, I really don’t give a shit what people think ๐Ÿ˜Š. Also on special occasions, I like shaking my bum in a club like I’m freakin’ Shakira …My child bearing ‘Hips Don’t Lie’

6- Peeking over the top of your spectacles and squinting to look at someone. Also wearing glasses on those necklace thingys …. never cool but very practical!

7- When you no longer recognise some of the youngsters music and have to switch radio stations. Bye bye Capital FM hello Radio 2 lol

8- Talking about pooh size, shape, frequency, consistency is not cool but I can’t promise I won’t do this ….. most of my blog posts involve talking about baby plop๐Ÿ’ฉ

9- Wearing thong knickers….. Not for me anyway. Nowadays it’s like a bit of cheese wire cutting into ya cheeks! Nope since birthing 5 kids my fanny needs a break and no chaffing going on down there!! ๐Ÿ˜ณ Its Bridget Jones granny ‘ comfy’ knickers all day long for me. (Soz probably TMI)

10- Saying things to the kids such as “Back in my day such and such happened”

“Less of the cheek or I’ll give you a clip round the ear hole”,

“Chop, chop hurry up”

And my personal fave “Up the wooden hill”

I guess I’m not really all that cool then? ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚ Ah well at least I’m a little bit funny sometimes though! ๐Ÿคช

That’s all for now folks!

Lotsa love L ๐Ÿ˜˜ x

Sleep is overrated anyway?! ๐Ÿ˜ด

It’s the eve of the first day back at school and none of my kids feel like sleeping at all! ๐Ÿ‘

The big boys are squabbling and fighting in their room and after telling them them to calm down around 17 gazillion times at 12.30am they finally give in and shut up! The rope and gaffer tape worked a treat! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Before they did actually calm down they managed to wake The twins up. Yippee! Thankfully they dozed on the sofa for a bit, whilst I pottered around getting all the school uniform prepared and bags etc

About 1am who’s that I hear bounding along the passageway …. u got it The Tornado ๐ŸŒชheard there was a baby party going on in the lounge and didn’t wanna miss out!

He thudded down the stairs trampled on his sleeping brother, waking him up and proceeded to steal his sisters bottle from her mouth….therefore waking her up. All three up and all hell let loose!! FFS of all nights I could have done with some sleep for a clear head in the morning?! ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

I hadn’t eaten, or showered. I was still wearing my day clothes and was sooooo fecking tired even before all the baby shenanigans tonight I was absolutley knackered!

After much sssshhhhh-ing and NO be quiet they kept teasing me snuggling up for a brief quiet moment and then springing to life again with yet another second wind.

Tornado was clattering his pissing Ninky Nonk toy around the fooor and crashing it as loud as possible. Then his whale toy was rammed repeatedly into the side of my head (he has a thing for doing this) Then he grabbed a chunk of my hair from my head and yanked out a clump Just for fun. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

I shoved the night garden on repeat on the tele box ๐Ÿ“บ with barely any volume. Not ideal I know but at 2am I was pretty desperate for them to settle down so tried milk, blanket, cuddles ..all to no avail.

At this point Bam Bam had star-fished on one of the sofas and had gone back to kip ๐Ÿ˜ด 1 down 2 to go!!

Meanwhile Pebbles had turned into bloody ‘spider girl’ she was teetering on the edge of the radiator and flinging herself off the sofa bouncing. Then balancing upside down on her head.

I was getting to the end of my tether. It was 3am now so I’m pleading with Tommy to be quiet and go to sleep. Literally begging him in desperation with tears streaming ๐Ÿ˜ญ down my face. Saying that mummy REALLY needs to go to sleep now. So I turned tv off cause that plan didn’t work. After being handed the remote a several hundred times and Tornado flicking the light switch on and off like a strobe effect …… the neighbours probably think we were actually having a fucking disco.

Around 4am ish both Pebbles and Tornado finally gave in! 3 hours before we needed to get up for school.

Ah, So much fun we had๐ŸŒช๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ฉ lol

Thanks for reading (congrats if you got this far!) I’m all out of rants …..for now! ๐Ÿ˜˜

Love L x

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

School Run with the Maddenโ€™s ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Honestly you could not make this shit up!

The morning school run is most definitely NOT my favourite part of the day! In fact the sheer thought of piling 5 kids in the van send shivers right down my spine.

From the outside it could be seen as a comedy sketch, from the inside I sometimes just want the ground to swallow me up and ball my eyes out (which sometimes does happen). But instead, you lucky people get the pleasure of my ranting blog post!! ๐Ÿคช

So if you’ve not got bored yet here’s how our typical morning went…….

The big ones have had me in tears ๐Ÿ˜ญ today, trying to get them ready and off to school!

We’ve had tantrums, meltdowns, squabbles and fisticuffs all before having our weetabix. FML ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

The older boys really do not like mornings (which I do kinda get if truth be told). After calling them every 10 mins for an hour since 7am. They finally rise from the pit they call their bedroom. They both have their duvets wrapped around them and sulking about being woken up too early. It’s now gone 8am and one is telling me how unfair life is and how he hates school. To be fair he does struggle with anxiety, so I do understand when he’s having trouble coping. The social pressures of senior school are very real ๐Ÿ˜ž.

However today it was those lovely teen hormones showing themselves and the boys were just literally niggling at each other and me!!

The night before I lay out everyone’s clothes shoes bags even down to underwear and deodorant, hair gel etc all ready to go in the morning.

It doesn’t matter if we get up at 6.30am or 8.30am We are still ALWAYS FUCKING LATE. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

The babies are no real problem in the mornings (as yet anyways) they just go from cot into the minbus in their pjs with a bottle. The Tornado ๐ŸŒช is starting to play hard ballย In the mornings though running away, out the front door faster than a lightening bolt. He thinks it’s hilarious to play chase when we’re late but he knows no different. Being non verbal, he has no real understanding of why we are rushing in the morning. It’s all a big game to him.

So we finally get everyone outside and Tommy is pulling a refusal to get in the van. I have to carry him kicking and screaming and fold him into the car seat. I try to distract him with a random song, a tickle or counting game whilst i secure him with the belt swiftly. His arms escape the harness numerous times…..Phew I’m really working up a sweat now!

Were on the move (albeit 45 mins late) and the stimming starts. Repetitive noises/phrases and shrill high pitch sounds come from both the big boys, It’s a coping mechanism for them. As were stuck at traffic lights they shout out random remarks to passing cars with their windows down! Nothing rude thank god! ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Finally we approach the school car park. Watch out, The Maddenโ€™s have entered the building!

And…… I can breath! We made it ๐Ÿคช๐ŸŽ‰โ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š

There is always some drama in our life each day but all Iโ€™ll say is “Better Late Than Never” Iโ€™m actually surprised we even get out the front door to be honest! ๐Ÿคฃ

Rant over and out ….. once again thanks for reading!

Love L x๐Ÿ˜Š

Life ……oh My life!

Oh hello! ๐Ÿค— Remember me? The little bit insane mother with lots of kids! Lol ๐Ÿคฃ

Long time no rant! So here goes……

Today has been very trying! It’s only 12pm lunchtime and I’ve done 9 nappy changes (including 4 poonamis), 4 outfit changes. 1 pukey throwing up incident.

Annie has been chasing me round crawling at the speed of light โšก๏ธShe’s trying to eat out of the dustpan as quick as I can sweep up! Albert has delved into the sudocreme no less than 6 times today whilst I’m changing the others and has eaten a good handful of it too! He bites the lid off and tucks in like its some kind of yummy treat! ๐Ÿคข

Those of you that follow my social media pages will know this has become quite the obsession with Master Albert! Little git๐Ÿ˜œ.

Albert is a climber…. he climbs the sofa, footstool and is eyeing up the window sill next. This is where big Bro The Tornado spends a lot of his time! Albert can walk with toys in front and swing between the furniture like a boss. He is practicing letting go and standing independently so I think we are gonna be mobile on 2 feet very, very soon ๐Ÿ˜ณ.

Miss Annie isn’t too far behind, she’s a little more wobbly but blimey the girl can get around fast. She can stand at the sofa and she’s not far off cruising. Annie likes to be upside down a lot and she watches tv like it, through her legs. She knows exactly what she wants and she will take it (milk, juice, biscuits, toys) she steels from her brothers and laughs when they cry…..little minx. She’s not daft! ๐Ÿ’–

Then there’s The Tornado ๐ŸŒช Well he’s still hectic as you like ๐Ÿคฃ and he is actually saying a few understandable words like ‘yeah’ , ‘ball’ and ‘up’ . It’s a little random at the moment but it’s progress none the less. He is nearly 3 and non verbal aside from these snippets. It’s gives us a glimmer of hope that his words will come eventually. It’s all very exciting stuff ๐ŸŽ‰chuffed Mumma right here ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š. I’m sure, He too will be backchatting us in around 10 years time. Lol.

Life with 3 under 3 is far from a boring life that’s for sure and add to that the 2 big boys and their teenage hormones, anxiety and obsessions. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ More fun than you can shake a stick at! ๐Ÿคฃ

I still love being Mum though, hard as it might be. I’m older, wiser? ๐Ÿค” greyer and wrinklier ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿป but can still get down with the kids when needed (much to the embarrassment of my eldest)……Yes, I can do The Floss ๐Ÿ˜Ž ha ha!

It’s Half term too so thankfully no bastard school run to do! However it’s not that easy for me to take them all out by my myself. Entertaining 5 kids of varying ages is a challenge but we muddle through as best we can.

The big boys are banned from the X-box right now for being lairy/cheeky so they are driving me up the bloody wall! With cries of “I’m bored” or in Kevin the Teenager style “It’s so unfair when can I go back online” “Never” I reply *stomps off in strop…….Kids ey….Gotta love em ๐Ÿ˜

Well that’s our update on life for now! Nothing too enthralling but there’ll be plenty more tales to tell. Watch this space. I’m Just Trying to find my writing mojo again. It has been pretty full on lately as you can imagine. I’ve had no time to scratch my ass let alone blog! Fingers crossed I’ll find a bit of time here and there to keep you all amused.

Ta-Ta for now

Love L ๐Ÿ˜˜ x

We survived the school holidays …. just!

Yes I know we’re already a week back to school but it’s been hectic!!! Phew! 2 weeks off school with 5 kids has brought me to the edge of insanity BUT we got through it! Lol We’ve had tears and meltdowns (me and them), squabbling, screaming, fisticuffs and to top it off a fractured toddler elbow!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

Whilst other parents post pictures of their perfectly well behaved children doing something wholesome and outdoorsy every day, I’m a prisoner in my own home. Stuck in the house arguing with the big boys that it’s time to vacate their pit and switch the X Box off!!

The Little ones taking it in turns to cry, shit, sleep, repeat! ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Seriously I’m at the end of my tether….. I’m not gonna lie these past few weeks have been bloody hard work!!!

My eldest has become practically aggro-phobic and doesn’t want to leave his safe zone at home. His anxiety has reached new heightened levels so it takes hours of persuasion but we eventually try leaving the house for a walk. Nice bit of fresh air in our lungs ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿถ๐ŸŒฒ๐Ÿƒ However as the end of the hols drew closer we did manage to get The big boys out swimming with dad, to a retro gaming cafe (more computers) lol. We hid a few decorated rocks on our walk to then post on Facebook and re-hid them for others to find …..apparently it’s a new craze. Who knew?! For more info See.Portsmouth Rocks UKFinally I braved it and took all 5 to the inflatables session….. which is basically loads of bouncy castles indoors and 30 odd kids running riot! Fun times ๐Ÿ‘

So they did get out and do and few activities eventually.

In other news the twins are teething big time and I am seriously sleep deprived. Getting roughly 3-4 hours sleep a night is not really sufficient to survive ๐Ÿ˜ด Tommy has literally been beating me up out of frustration daily and sometimes quite violently โ˜น๏ธ and in between cuddles But I grin and bear it, heartbreaking as it is. Poor me!

On Thursday the Tornado fell off the sofa (climbing again) so a 10pm little trip to the local treatment centre was in order. We thought he’d popped his elbow out if it’s joint again ….so they clicked it back into place. However this time something wasn’t right, he still couldn’t use it and was dragging his limp arm around like Woody from Toy Story! So next day he had to go to A&E. Finally the doctors find a hairline teeny tiny fracture in his elbow!! Poor little Tornado ๐ŸŒช

However today the sun is now shining ๐ŸŒžand I got 6 hours sleep last night! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Bonus. I feel normal Service has now been resumed at the Madhouse! …….Oooh and We won on Euromillions last night ๐ŸŽ‰ (a whole ยฃ6.80) but better than a poke in the eye. As the song says ‘Things Can Only Get Better’.

Life will improve soon Iโ€™m certain ๐Ÿ˜Š Gotta take the rough with the smooth and I’llย take whatever life throws at me!

Anyways I’m back in the game now! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜˜ I’ve missed my little ranting space. I’m So glad to be back to bend your ears! ๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿป

Also to make me feel better I am going ‘out out’ next month …… I’m gonna get shitfaced on jรคger bombs and dance on the tables!! Ha ha! ๐Ÿน๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜

Lynne X