How to change a nappy in 10 easy steps

Method for fidgety toddlers

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🀣 Step 1- Grab child, try to avoid spillages or baby poking fingers in pooh (there’s a time and a place for exploring sensory play and this is not it!)

Step 2- Pin child to the changing mat in a gentle but firm manner. (You can use your feet for this if necessary). Then commence crazy Singing…. a medley of their favourite nursery rhymes or a made up song about Pooh πŸ’©

Step 3 – If this ‘pin down hold’ fails, try to change nappy standing up. Whip it off and hope that any debris doesn’t flick up in your face. Advise to keep mouth closed…. just incase!

Step 4- By now child will have escaped your grip and peed/poohed on the floor somewhere. Collect child up again with one arm and with the ‘spare’ hand, mop up any puddles of piss or rogue runaway nuggets…before another kid slides up/steps in it 😳

Step 5 – Whilst child is arching their back and wriggling around in protest, slap some nappy cream on as needed.

Step 6 – Remove child’s hands from sudocreme tub.

Step 7 – Catch child for the umpteenth time and chuck a pull up nappy on them faster than the speed of light.

Step 8 – Re-dress child after taking them off the window sil, dining room table or in the under stairs cupboard.

Step 9 – Repeat step 6.

Step 10- Start all over again as child has plopped in fresh nappy πŸ’©L x πŸ€ͺ

10 Things that are no longer cool when you’re a 40+ Mum (apparently)

1- Trying to keep up with the latest dance craze for example The Dab, Whip Ney Ney, The Floss

2- Attempting to make sense of games like Fornite, Roblox, COD etc I prefer a good old fashioned Mario game on the Super Nintendo me! lol #oldskool

3- Singing and dancing in public to embarrass your kids (tbh this was never actually a cool mum thing to do but ……it’s just so funny to wind them up 🀣) Nursery rhymes, made up songs, musicals and of course annoying baby shark at the top of my voice πŸ‘

4- Writing text abbreviations (and sometimes forgetting what they actually mean) trying get down with the kids πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

5- Getting tipsy drunk and dancing to a party action song such as the birdie song, cha-cha slide, Macarena etc Not really acceptable as cool Mum behaviour any age but I still like to participate in any case…even if I’m sober Lol One thing I find as I get older, I really don’t give a shit what people think 😊. Also on special occasions, I like shaking my bum in a club like I’m freakin’ Shakira …My child bearing ‘Hips Don’t Lie’

6- Peeking over the top of your spectacles and squinting to look at someone. Also wearing glasses on those necklace thingys …. never cool but very practical!

7- When you no longer recognise some of the youngsters music and have to switch radio stations. Bye bye Capital FM hello Radio 2 lol

8- Talking about pooh size, shape, frequency, consistency is not cool but I can’t promise I won’t do this ….. most of my blog posts involve talking about baby plopπŸ’©

9- Wearing thong knickers….. Not for me anyway. Nowadays it’s like a bit of cheese wire cutting into ya cheeks! Nope since birthing 5 kids my fanny needs a break and no chaffing going on down there!! 😳 Its Bridget Jones granny ‘ comfy’ knickers all day long for me. (Soz probably TMI)

10- Saying things to the kids such as “Back in my day such and such happened”

“Less of the cheek or I’ll give you a clip round the ear hole”,

“Chop, chop hurry up”

And my personal fave “Up the wooden hill”

I guess I’m not really all that cool then? πŸ˜ŽπŸ€”πŸ€£πŸ˜‚ Ah well at least I’m a little bit funny sometimes though! πŸ€ͺ

That’s all for now folks!

Lotsa love L 😘 x