🤣 Step 1- Grab child, try to avoid spillages or baby poking fingers in pooh (there’s a time and a place for exploring sensory play and this is not it!)
Step 2- Pin child to the changing mat in a gentle but firm manner. (You can use your feet for this if necessary). Then commence crazy Singing…. a medley of their favourite nursery rhymes or a made up song about Pooh 💩
Step 3 – If this ‘pin down hold’ fails, try to change nappy standing up. Whip it off and hope that any debris doesn’t flick up in your face. Advise to keep mouth closed…. just incase!
Step 4- By now child will have escaped your grip and peed/poohed on the floor somewhere. Collect child up again with one arm and with the ‘spare’ hand, mop up any puddles of piss or rogue runaway nuggets…before another kid slides up/steps in it 😳
Step 5 – Whilst child is arching their back and wriggling around in protest, slap some nappy cream on as needed.
Step 6 – Remove child’s hands from sudocreme tub.
Step 7 – Catch child for the umpteenth time and chuck a pull up nappy on them faster than the speed of light.
Step 8 – Re-dress child after taking them off the window sil, dining room table or in the under stairs cupboard.
Step 9 – Repeat step 6.
Step 10- Start all over again as child has plopped in fresh nappy 💩L x 🤪