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My comedy life!!๐Ÿค—

Hello! So……here it is my first blog post. Now where do I even begin?

Ok. Lets start with my big kids Toby & Archie Both are autistic/ADHD Pre-teens and are a right handful! Loveable rogues all the same. Then there’s Tornado Tom Tom..the hectic and very cheeky 2 year old. THEN add to the mix 12 week old boy girl twins Albert & Annie (cause life just wasn’t busy enough already๐Ÿค”)! ….. and YES we do own a tv!! Lol.

I thought I’d start this blog to record the many comedy moments that happen to us! Some not funny at the time but I like to share and amuse others! I usually have a good old rant on my Facebook status and people seemed to find my musings hilarious.๐Ÿคฃ

Happy reading! Xxx

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We survived the school holidays …. just!

Yes I know we’re already a week back to school but it’s been hectic!!! Phew! 2 weeks off school with 5 kids has brought me to the edge of insanity BUT we got through it! Lol We’ve had tears and meltdowns (me and them), squabbling, screaming, fisticuffs and to top it off a fractured toddler elbow!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

Whilst other parents post pictures of their perfectly well behaved children doing something wholesome and outdoorsy every day, I’m a prisoner in my own home. Stuck in the house arguing with the big boys that it’s time to vacate their pit and switch the X Box off!!

The Little ones taking it in turns to cry, shit, sleep, repeat! ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Seriously I’m at the end of my tether….. I’m not gonna lie these past few weeks have been bloody hard work!!!

My eldest has become practically aggro-phobic and doesn’t want to leave his safe zone at home. His anxiety has reached new heightened levels so it takes hours of persuasion but we eventually try leaving the house for a walk. Nice bit of fresh air in our lungs ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿถ๐ŸŒฒ๐Ÿƒ However as the end of the hols drew closer we did manage to get The big boys out swimming with dad, to a retro gaming cafe (more computers) lol. We hid a few decorated rocks on our walk to then post on Facebook and re-hid them for others to find …..apparently it’s a new craze. Who knew?! For more info See.Portsmouth Rocks UKFinally I braved it and took all 5 to the inflatables session….. which is basically loads of bouncy castles indoors and 30 odd kids running riot! Fun times ๐Ÿ‘

So they did get out and do and few activities eventually.

In other news the twins are teething big time and I am seriously sleep deprived. Getting roughly 3-4 hours sleep a night is not really sufficient to survive ๐Ÿ˜ด Tommy has literally been beating me up out of frustration daily and sometimes quite violently โ˜น๏ธ and in between cuddles But I grin and bear it, heartbreaking as it is. Poor me!

On Thursday the Tornado fell off the sofa (climbing again) so a 10pm little trip to the local treatment centre was in order. We thought he’d popped his elbow out if it’s joint again ….so they clicked it back into place. However this time something wasn’t right, he still couldn’t use it and was dragging his limp arm around like Woody from Toy Story! So next day he had to go to A&E. Finally the doctors find a hairline teeny tiny fracture in his elbow!! Poor little Tornado ๐ŸŒช

However today the sun is now shining ๐ŸŒžand I got 6 hours sleep last night! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Bonus. I feel normal Service has now been resumed at the Madhouse! …….Oooh and We won on Euromillions last night ๐ŸŽ‰ (a whole ยฃ6.80) but better than a poke in the eye. As the song says ‘Things Can Only Get Better’.

Life will improve soon Iโ€™m certain ๐Ÿ˜Š Gotta take the rough with the smooth and I’llย take whatever life throws at me!

Anyways I’m back in the game now! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜˜ I’ve missed my little ranting space. I’m So glad to be back to bend your ears! ๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿป

Also to make me feel better I am going ‘out out’ next month …… I’m gonna get shitfaced on jรคger bombs and dance on the tables!! Ha ha! ๐Ÿน๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜

Lynne X

Grappling Twins ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป

Watching my 2 youngest offspring rolling around the floor grappling with each other like some kind of ‘no holds barred’ WWF Wresting match ….. there’s eye poking, ear twisting, hair pulling. ๐Ÿ™Š I’m telling Albert “no” to him pulling his sisters tuft of hair for the umpteenth time this morning. He looks at me a smiles cheekily and does it twice as hard, grinning like a Cheshire Cat! ๐Ÿ˜บLittle git!!

Mind you Annie does give as good as she gets back to him to be fair. They trample (crawl) over each other so intent on reaching the closet bit of furniture. Yes, both twinnies are fully mobile and on the move now. Both crawling at speed, usually in opposite directions ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ We have a baby gate at every door, which I’ve swiftly learnt to scissor kick over the top (can’t open the bloody gate with 2 bubbas hanging onto the other side, looking like they’re in baby jail!) The Tornado ๐ŸŒช also loiters around the gate and gets his leg stuck in between the bars 101 times a day!!

Albert is walking proficiently round the furniture (coasting). Also standing up and even letting go momentarily. He’s practicing going up then down and laughing cause he’s plotting what mischief he can get into. He can do the whole flight of stairs too! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Annie has got the crawling down to a fine art now and she can get on her feet whilst touching her toes. She sits perfectly straight up with her legs in the splits….. like a little ballerina doing her stretches. However then she spoils the ambiance of being lady like by rolling over with her legs still a Kimber and farting in a not very graceful fashion!! ….Yeah yeah I know just like her mummy!!๐Ÿ™Š

Even though we’re almost 9 months in I still stop and think WOW I have twins I made these perfect little bundles …. it STILL has not sunk in completely. Life has been such a blur of shitty nappies, teething, baby puke, sleepless nights, messy weaning and most importantly survival.

These kids amaze me everyday, as do the other 3. ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’–

I wonder what it will be like in a couple more months when I have 3 under 3 literally running around, disobeying orders and causing havoc!!

I look forward to seeing what trouble the three of them will cause together?!!๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ

Time to employ NanneeMcPhee maybe?

Lots of love

L x

All Aboard the Autism Train

As the days go by it’s looking increasingly likely that I have a 3rd child with Autism/ADHD.

Tornado Tommy is next up to jump on! Buckle up kids you’re in for a rocky ride!

The familiar and sometimes peculiar behaviours he’s displaying is just confirming what we already suspected. We are 99% sure he is on the spectrum.

Tornado Tommy is a proper little character and yet different to the bigger boys in many ways. He is hectic & destructive and never ever sits still (just like his brothers) An average 2 year old can be crazy and hectic but it’s extreme with him.

The mahoosive explosive hour long meltdowns that come out of the blue……he’s completely non-verbal. He used to try and say a handful of words at 18months then just regressed back to zero speech โ˜น๏ธ .

Theย repetitive, obsessional behaviours.

The lashing out in temper and frustration. He hits and kicks me, quite hard (yet unmeaningly) during meltdowns. To gain my attention he might bosh me on the head with the remote a few times if he wants the channel changing. Or he might full on slap me round the chops! ๐Ÿ˜ฎIf I don’t give him my immediate attention.

My older boys never did these things! It’s pretty hard to accept your child beating the shit out of you and just having to calmly smile through gritted teeth and try to diffuse the situation before it escalates! But hey ho we just have to grin and bear it for now. It’s Soooo hard and frustrating for him and us!

Also he has started banging his head repetitively on the floor during a complete meltdown. Any hard surface he can find and his poor head gets it THUMP ๐Ÿค•. This is extremely worrying and heartbreaking to see him in such distress ๐Ÿ˜ข Poor boy!

Tommy plays alternatively lining random objects and toys up everyday. He’s more interested in the chippings at the park than using the equipment and joining in with other kids playing. To name but a few of his ways.

……..So anyway we’re on the pathway for diagnosis but it’s still too early to diagnose officially. Obviously having already been there, done that and got the t-shirt (twice) as seasoned Autism parents we kinda know what we’re dealing with already! ๐Ÿ˜œ

It is obviously is genetic somewhere along the line as 3 out of 5 are autistic so far!

I’m just hoping once the speech comes along some of his impulsive, irrational behaviours will simmer down a bit! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

The boy has got bucket loads of character though so I’m sure there will be a few more funny tales (not funny at the time) to tell. ๐ŸคฃWatch this space! Lol.

I obviously was not meant to have an easy life with my lot…. so I have to embrace the madness! If I didn’t I’d be locked in a padded cell, heavily sedated for the rest of my days!! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Normal is way over rated anyways!! Three of our very special boys have this label but each and everyone of them have qualities and personalities that shine above the disability.

YES they are all have their quirks and their behaviour is often unruly and off the scale BUT they are our boys and through thick and thin We will love and protect them always ๐Ÿ˜Š xxx

Don’t forget Autism Awareness day is 2nd April…. Spread the word x

Sunshine Blogger Award

Ok I’m privileged to be nominated for another award! Thank you so much Kerry at Blissful Domestication . Being that I’m new to this blogging malarkey I’m loving the opportunity to get myself out there!

The rules

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
  3. Nominate 11 blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
  4. List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.

My answers…..

  1. You wake up on a desert island โ€“ what three things would you take with you?Food, Water, clothes
  2. Who would you have play you in a movie Miranda Hart (although I’m 5ft 2 she’s probably like 6ft)๐Ÿคฃ
  3. What was the last Text you sent? (Full text, out of context and unedited)Hurry up, the dog needs to go out for a pooh๐Ÿ’ฉ
  4. You know the world is about to end tonight, how would you spend your final day? With all my babies (plus Mr Maddog) snuggled up talking about all the memories and adventures we had.
  5. What is your biggest fear? Not being around to see my kids grow up scares the shit outta me!
  6. What makes you overwhelmed with happiness? My 5 children, their cheekiness and individual characters! ๐Ÿ˜Š
  7. You are tasked with saving the world, your partner is a character from the last thing you watched โ€“ who is helping you and will it be successful? Moana the Disney princess! Yes we’d be successful she’s a smart cookie
  8. In recent light of hate towards FRIENDS โ€“ what are your feelings on the show? I love it! I could watch re-runs over and over and it reminds me of my youth ๐Ÿ˜Š
  9. What is your dream car? VW 9 seater Caravelle (family) or a convertible mini for me!!
  10. Where you see yourself by Christmas? In the mirror!! Ha ha! ๐Ÿคฃ
  11. Why are there 11 questions? I’m not sure but it’s bugging my OCD

My nominations are:-

Answer the following pls๐Ÿ˜Š …….

  1. What superhero are you most like and why?
  2. Snog, Marry, Avoid James Corden, Phillip Schofield or Jeremy Kyle?
  3. Favourite swear word?
  4. Dinner party with 4 VIP’s (dead or alive) who do you invite and why?
  5. Favourite place in the world?
  6. How do you like your eggs?
  7. If you could play the lead in a West End show, which character would you be?
  8. What’s your guilty pleasure?
  9. If you could make one last phone call to somebody no longer with us, who would it be?
  10. Marmite Love it or Hate it?
  11. Favourite Royal

Have fun and happy reading!

Love Lynne ๐Ÿ˜˜ x

Mud, Mud Glorious Mud!

In true Madden style a simple family dog walk ends up being an unexpected mudfest, right up to our knees.

It was all going so well…. it only took us 3 hours to actually leave the house today! So we took ourselves on a little wander, just local nowhere too extravagant.

About half way round Tommy decided he didn’t want to walk any further and wanted to be carried. Picture this…. I am 5ft 2, I have the twins in the pushchair, the dog attached and Tommy precariously balanced on the handlebar with his arms wrapped around me! We got a few strange looks as I was pushing it along 2 steps at a time, as his bum kept slipping off. Great I’m gonna have to carry him home ๐Ÿ‘ So onto my child bearing hip he goes…. now carrying him is pretty challenging. He’s lanky and tall and likes to arch his back then go stiff as a board.

Just for good measure Tommy then decides to repeatedly slap my face as hard as he could, just as we walk past a calm normal family with 2.4 children. I saw them do a double take, gasp and count all the children throwing a disapproving glance our way!! YES I have 5 fucking children and a dog! Get over it! Yes I’m having a traumatic time right now! So do yourselves a favour and look away!!! (Of course I didn’t actually say this to them but sometimes wish I was that outspoken lol) Jeez some people! ๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿป๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

We are 5 mins from home now but if we take a shortcut across the field it’ll take 2 mins I thought! I called to Toby up ahead “How Muddy is the field right now?” “Not muddy at all he says!” So we proceed to take the ‘short cut’. FML not only was it muddier than a farmers welly boot. We were already half way across, so no point in turning back now! If I stood still any longer I was gonna need a tow rope to pull me and the babies out of the deep muddy puddle I had rolled into!!

Now I did NOT have my wellies on … no far from it. I had my brand new, out of the box, fresh as a fucking daisy white pumps on!! ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Meanwhile Tommy had found his second wind and was happily jumping in the mud trousers and trainers soaked. Happy as a pig in shit! Literally! ๐Ÿท I don’t mind my kids getting mucky but I just want expecting it right this moment in time. Lol ๐Ÿคฃ Never mind it’s all good fun and we were only a few minutes away from home.

So we finally get home 10 minutes or so later than the bloody long way round. We go in the back gate and I start hosing down shoes and pushchair. Then turn around and there is a semi-naked toddler standing there in his coat and socks with no pants on!! Talk about a chilly willy! โ„๏ธ He thinks it’s hilarious to try and catch the water from the hose….Anyone would think it was summer… He really does not care one iota! ๐Ÿ˜ณ Maybe he’ll grow up to be a naturist! Lol

My new shoes are ruined and the pushchair is caked in what I hope is just mud and not dog shite ๐Ÿ’ฉ! Gotta laugh at myself really…

So that was our crazy little dog walk. Always a comedy moment with these kids ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ™ˆ x

Will I ever ‘nip’ anywhere again?

The more I read your blog the more I think we are so scarily alike! In fact some of your stories and words could have easily fallen right out of my mouth! As you said before I wonder ARE WE actually the same person?! Lol ๐Ÿคฃ Keep up the good work. I love your blog…. Most entertaining ๐Ÿ˜˜ xxx

Twins, Tantrums and Cold Coffee

Remember those days when you would pick up your bag, phone and keys โ€“ and walk straight out the front door?

Are those days really gone forever the second you have kids? Weโ€™ve all seen the Michael McIntyre sketch about how long it takes to get everyone ready, and itโ€™s so true!

Having one kid means a big adjustment is needed in the art of house-leaving. Anymore than that and I literally donโ€™t know how people do it.

And donโ€™t even get me started on how people with babies manage to do the school run or get their offspring into childcare. Every single morning, when Iโ€™m still upstairs wrestling an infant into a vest at 9am, I think to myself that youโ€™re all bloody wonder women (and vow Iโ€™ll get my act together in time for Toddlerโ€™s introduction into the education system).ย 

When he was tiny I somehow got intoโ€ฆ

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Versatile Blogger Award

I have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by The lovely Polly @bloggerbythesea. I’m actually chuffed to bits that someone felt my musings worthy enough to share.

Please take a look at her blog ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Here<<<<<

The task is to tell you 7 things about myself, which you may or may not find amusing/interesting and then to nominate 15 bloggers to accept the award!

Right so here goes……

1) I loved every minute of being pregnant and giving birth! You’d never have guessed that with me having 5 kids lol ๐Ÿคฃ

2) I am a little bit Eccentric but I embrace this characteristic ๐Ÿ˜Š

3) I prefer a hammer and paintbrush to cooking and cleaning …. I’m definitely not a natural housewife ๐Ÿ™Š (Dirty bitch).

4) I don’t like driving but I HAVE to drive around in an 8-seater minibus. I’m like Mr Magoo (younger generation might need to google him?!)

5) I’ve been with The Husband Mr Maddog about 22 years now ….. you’d get less for murder, right?! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜˜

6) I have a very eclectic taste in music. I used to be an old Skool a raver back in the day! My dad was a DJ so I was brought up listening to various types of music. I like anything from Musicals, Motown, Take That, Spice Girls but also enjoy a bit of Green Day, Foo Fighters etc. I love Ministry of Sound and proper House Music ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿป….I’m so cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž

7) My kids are my world. Obviously I would do anything for them (as would any mother) As hectic as they might be and with all their quirks, I love each and everyone one of them dearly. ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’–

That last ones a bit of a cop out as I was stuck for something to say!! Now that’s a rarity ๐Ÿคฃ

So on to my nominations…..Please take a look at these fantastic blogs!

Twins, Tantrums and Cold Coffee

Gaa Gaa Land

Mum of three God Help Me

Confessions of a Multiple Mum

Kat Got Your Tongue

Holly LeggThe Baby Boat Diaries

Last Minute Mum

A Vodka Kind of Mom

But First, Tea

Cooking Without Limits

Cooking With Kids

Lucy Loves Beauty

Mum of the Tribe

The Non Adventures of a SAHM

Happy Reading !